How Successful People Think (Part 1): The Secret Reframe that Creates Results in Life
“The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today” ~Les Brown
How Successful People Think (Part 1): The Secret Reframe that Creates Results in Life
Nothing kills great ideas, limits possibilities or destroys creativity like a big, fat excuse. There are a thousand different ways to make excuses for what is happening or not happening in our lives.
A powerful way to become aware of when your excuses may be blocking opportunities is to listen to your language.
Don’t zap a great idea with a, “Yes, but….” You might as well say “No.”
It’s not just about semantics. “Yes, but” literally puts the brakes on our brain’s ability to think– crushing our sense of hope and ability to innovate. In a group or team the impact of this can be devastating.
I am working with an entrepreneur who has had the windfall of some land in Hawaii. He has a dream of starting a retreat center. “Yes, it’s a great idea,” he tells me, “but we don’t have the money to get started or any investors to fund a start-up.”
While this clearly is true, how could he shift his thinking from this dead-end?
A quick and simple way that you can turn around this “But” thinking is to reframe it. When you start to think “But….” And all the reasons and excuses that something may not happen for you simply replace “But…” with “And….”
“Yes, it’s a great idea, and, we could start small. Guests could camp out on the site, we could create simple and low-cost tent-like buildings for group activities, guests could help build the center in exchange for their tuition…” All of sudden, it feels like there are lots of ways that my client can get started while he is raising the capital he needs.
And is powerful. And unites opposites, opens up opportunity, creates possibilities that weren’t evident before. Couple and with yes, and you have a winning combination.
This type of “And…” thinking opens up possibility into our lives and also promotes a growth mindset. According to research done by Carol Dweck at Stanford University the most talented and successful people as well as companies have developed this type of growth mindset; one that believes that talent and success is not fixed but can be developed through focus and dedication. In other words, you don’t give into excuses about “the way things are” but instead find creative ways to achieve successful results. You can read more about the growth mindset in this interview in The Harvard Business Review.
To put this success mindset and language to work, start to replace “But…..” with “Yes, and….”
Yes, and opens up possibility. For example…..
Yes, I wake up many mornings with ideas for new inventions, but I’m an accountant. I can’t quit my job.
Yes, I have lots of ideas for inventions, and as an accountant I’ve handled my money well and next month I’m going to take some time off to build a prototype of my most promising idea.
Can you think of a “But….” That is running in your life? How can you transform that excuse into a positive “Yes, and….” Statement? Share your statement with us below.
And stay tuned for my next blog where I will continue this conversation on successful thinking and explore how it can invite more cooperation and encourage creativity in life and at work.
Wishing you great success and brilliant results today!
Appreciatively,
Dr. Lynn K. Jones
P.S. Use this image to remind you to get rid of your “buts”!
Dr. Lynn K. Jones is a Board Certified Coach and an Advanced Certified Personal and Executive Coach based in Santa Barbara, California and a sought after coach and consultant for organizations and individuals across the US. Her doctoral work completed at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University concerned organizational culture; she coaches, consults and trains organizations on what they need to do to create organizational cultures that are aligned with their vision and values using a process of Appreciative Inquiry. She coaches individuals on achieving their reflected best selves. A MSW@USC faculty member, Dr. Lynn K. Jones, MSW, DSW, CSWM, teaches Human Behavior and Social Environment and Leadership to social work students at the University of Southern California.
This is a great post, Lynn! We do limit our possibilities when we say, “Yes, but…..” I like that you’ve given a good reframe and examples of how that can be done. I’m all for empowerment! Thank you.
Linda
LindaMenesez Empowerment is so much easier when people have the “growth mindset” that Carol Dweck researches. Fortunately, one can switch into that pretty easily with reframes like the “yes, and” example here. I’m glad that you found value in the post.
Appreciatively,
Lynn
This is so true!! Thanks Lynn! Noticing what we are saying to ourselves is the first step to changing it. And, while challenging to do that (takes some focus), I find it’s really worth the effort. Once I know I’m thinking something that isn’t helpful, I can then choose what to replace it with. And that leads to opening up all kinds of new directions for action. 🙂 Patricia
PatriciaSchwartz So true, noticing is the key. That is why coaching is so helpful… the coach can point out those automatic ways of thinking that are so hard to be aware of at first. It is amazing how now direction do open up with such a simple reframe.
Appreciatively,
Lynn
DrLynnKJones PatriciaSchwartz You are so on point there Lynn-a few days ago I coached a team where one member wasn’t aware of his automatic way of worst case thinking and after I pointed it out he was able to immediately pull back and reframe which avoided derailing a very positive direction of the team’s discussion.
PatriciaSchwartz DrLynnKJones How wonderful!! And how wonderful that you were able to provide the feedback in a way that it was apparently viewed as a learning opportunity for all.
LJ
PatriciaSchwartz DrLynnKJones How wonderful!! And how wonderful that you were able to provide the feedback in a way that it was apparently viewed as a learning opportunity for all.
LJ
Sometimes I get bursts of inspiration and want to start a bunch of different projects all at once. Then I think to myself “but I don’t have enough time.” It really does put you in a better mindset towards growth to reframe it and think “yes, and these projects will benefit not only myself, but also my clients.” Thank you for pointing this out, because we all know excuses are deadly.
LisaDarsonval Thanks for the great example of reframing, “yes, but” to “yes, and”! I like how you reconnected your “yes, and” to your purpose, which is always very motivating!
Appreciatively,
Lynn
Great post, Lynn! These “buts” cause us to not “get off our butts” and move on to the possibilities that await us …I love the practical examples!
IngridSarrat I like the connection you make there, Ingrid! 🙂
Appreciatively,
Lynn
The “Yes, but…” phrase is just death to real productivity, happiness, and forward mobility. The way we think about things, the way we frame our thoughts, make a huge impact on what we actually accomplish, and the “Yes, but…” phrase is one of the worst. It immediately puts you in a no-win mind frame, firmly shutting the door on the “Yes,” while a “Yes, and…” opens not just the door, but all the windows.
Calla Gold
Calla Gold Yes, and think of what you can do when all those doors and windows are wide open! Thanks for commenting, Calla!
Appreciatively,
Lynn
This is such a great read. It could also be used in negotiating, when trying to settle something with another person. Instead of saying “but”, if we say “yes” first, it validates the other person’s idea. Then we follow with “and” and then, the other person is more apt to listen to our idea too, as a possibility. AND opens the doors, BUT seems to close them. You always have such great insights and information. Thanks so much.
Starr Spa Training Glad it was helpful! I look forward to hearing about all those “yes, and” doors that open for you!
Appreciatively,
Lynn
I hear the “yes,buts” all the time and I suspect it is a defense mechanism to avoid the fear of failure. Most of the “yes, buts” are likely legitimate on the surface, but what is going on inside is often holding us back. To use the “yes and” is a good approach.
A similar issue is when individuals are at a board meeting and throw out their opinion for consideration of an issue. After a brief discussion, the idea is tossed out or is invalidated. The producer of the opinion feels very badly. I am working with a female executive who actually feels like shedding tears which gives her pause that she could lose credibility. So the powerful coaching question came to mind, “When should you give your opinion?’ This can lead to more “yes, buts,” but the answer can be quite compelling. What do you think?
cliffwalters I agree. I feel for your client who feels like crying in the face of close minded colleagues. I had a client tell me something similar about how an “idea” of his was roundly rejected and how permanently that shut him down with that group. It is the group’s loss is both cases. But to your question: I like the idea of asking that question “When should you give your opinion?’ because perhaps it would lead to some interesting ideas: I can state my view, and it might be best to do it one on one or outside of the meeting, etc.
Appreciatively,
Lynn
Your opening sentence “Nothing kills great ideas, limits possibilities or destroys creativity like a big, fat excuse” is wonderful. Maybe I should paste this to my mirror. Also, I think the “yes, and” approach should be applied to most, if not all, areas of life.
AmyOrozco Yes, and … go ahead and post it to your mirror!! 🙂 Great idea.
Appreciatively,
Lynn